In their short 22-year history, FK Slutsk couldn’t have imagined they’d gain a cult following of bored males the world over during a global pandemic. 

As measures implimented to combat the spread of covid-19 obliterated the worldwide football calendar, one obscure league provided a beacon of hope from insanity for men the world over.

The Belarusian Premier League is currently the only football league in Europe that has not adopted measures to cancel or postpone matches in the wake of the continent’s coronavirus pandemic.

Despite there having been a total 105 recorded cases of coronavirus in the country, Belarus president Alexander Lukashenko adopted a lax attitude to protection, insisting “there are no viruses” in the country.

Lukashenko told reporters while taking a break from playing ice hockey: “It’s better to die on your feet than on your knees” and claimed that ice rinks are the best environment to fend off the disease.

It seems as though in Belarus, a football pitch is too; last weekend the Premier League played a full calendar of matches with the pick of the fixtures being the Minsk derby, which ended in a thrilling 3-2 win for FC Minsk against Dinamo. 

What followed was a spike in viewership and droves of soccer-starved gents around the globe rushing to declare their support for a random Belarusian team in the absence of their usual club to provide their football fix. 

But the overwhelming majority didn’t pick Dinamo or FC Minsk. Nor did they choose one-time Barcelona Champions League opponents BATE Borisov.

The masses picked the amusingly-named FK Slutsk, a tiny club from a town of 61,000, located just a few football pitches over 100km from Minsk.

It wasn’t long before the new followers bestowed ‘The Sluts’ nickname upon their new team, only serving to intensify interest.

Within days of the heightened media attention, an FK Slutsk English-language account had been set up to inform the influx of new Slutsk ultras on results and fixtures as well as a handy rundown of club history.

And as with any self-respecting Eastern European football team Slutsk have since garnered a new wave of harcore ultras from England and further afield, with one new devotee from London even penning a song to his heroes.

And when the account floated the idea of gaining some extra income by hunting for a shirt sponsor, the faithful fanbase answered with the ingeniously ideal official partner for ‘The Sluts’: Pornhub.

Should the partnership materialize, it would see the joining of two social-distancing saviors in one fell quarantine communion; Pornhub offered those cooped up at home the chance to practice their self-love in self-isolation, by declaring their premium service absolutely free.

The idea might not be as outlandish as it may seem, and who knows in the future we might see Pornhub on the shirts of FK Sluts.

Ironically, what is more unrealistic is seeing ‘The Sluts’ on Pornhub any time soon…

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